Advice for the NICU

The woman who was my prenatal yoga teacher has another student who is about to have a baby, and they know that their baby will be going to the NICU for a heart condition. Jessica gave her my contact information in case I could offer her any words of advice. I don't think there is really any advice anyone can give in a situation like that, but I listed a few things. I think if I had been in her situation, I would not have appreciated any advice so I tried to keep it pretty general and not too preachy. I decided to put it on the blog in case I have to go through this again (please God, no, no, no!), or in case anyone stumbles across it from a google search. If anyone wants to add anything, please let me know.

1. Don't let the downs completely take you out. They are to be expected. The nurses and doctors were WONDERFUL, but I would get a little frustrated with them when they did not take the "downs" seriously. I thought when Molly was having a bad day, it was a huge deal, but sometimes they didn't make a big deal out of it. I slowly began to realize that was not because they didn't care; it was because it was all part of the recovery period, and they knew Molly was on the path to being a healthy baby. I have said numerous times that if there really are angels on earth, the NICU nurses are certainly true angels.

2. I'm not sure how it works at UCSF, but at Alta Bates and at Children's Hospital Oakland, parents are encouraged to pick primary nurses who will care for their baby whenever they are working. Take advantage of this. All the nurses are absolutely competent and take good care of the baby, but pick a nurse who will take care of YOU and your partner. It was a huge help for us to have primary nurses who were very communicative with us and who also talked to us like regular people (i.e., talked about their own kids and what they were doing over the weekend, etc.). You will be spending a lot of time with them so you want to have someone you are comfortable with.

3. Ask any questions you can of the nurses. They were a wonderful help with breastfeeding, bathing, changing diapers, teaching us how to take Molly's temperature, baby massage, anything! I would feel like I was bothering them at first (especially with the breastfeeding because that took some time, and we had a lot of trouble getting that going because Molly was so early), but they are happy to help and they are full of useful advice. It was sort of like we had our own private parenting class and were able to ease into baby care.

4. Go home at night and sleep. I felt horrible guilt about leaving Molly at the hospital, not to mention utter sadness at being away from her when we would go home at night. I admit I didn't do well on taking my own advice here, but sleeping and eating well are absolutely imperative for keeping up your spirits, energy, and milk supply.

5. And, yes, get caught up on all the novels you have been wanting to read. There will be (hopefully) a lot of down time where your baby will be sleeping peacefully so you can just relax close by your baby's bed and read and rest.

What a Week

We had a WONDERFUL visit with Mom, Fred, and Aunt Cathy. It was very, very sad saying good bye last night. Molly took to all three of them very quickly, giving them lots of smiles and even a giggle or two (at least it sort of sounded like giggles). They got here on Wednesday afternoon, and Molly Z and I met them at the airport. We went to dinner at our favorite German restaurant that evening. On Thursday, Bill worked, but the rest of us rode the ferry over to the Ferry Building in San Francisco. It was a great way to spend the day, pretty low key and relaxing. The weather was absolutely perfect. After we rode the ferry back, we went back to the house where they were staying, and Mom fixed us a delicious meal. Bill met us over there after he was finished working. On Friday, Bill had to work again, and the rest of us drove up to Muir Woods. We came home over the Golden Gate Bridge and took a detour/driving tour through San Francisco. We picked up pizzas to take back to their house so we could watch the presidential debate. Bill made it over just before the debate started.

On Saturday, we all went to the farmers market and decided to spend the rest of the day playing poker, which was a really great idea. Bill and Aunt Cathy were the big winners, with winning totaling around $9 between the two of them. Sunday we celebrated Aunt Cathy's birthday. We started the day with brunch, and then we went to Berkeley for the How Berkeley Can You Be festival. It started with a parade of art cars (which we missed), but the cars were all parked at the festival so we got to check them all out. We took lots of pictures so Bill will get ours posted soon, and I'm sure Mom and Fred will share theirs. After looking at the cars and watching many, many Berkeley hippies dancing (again, it was a beautiful day and great barefoot dancing weather), we went back to their house for more poker. Aunt Cathy won so much money she couldn't hold it all. My two-day losses totaled about $3, but as Grandpa Joe D. would say, I had $30 worth of fun.

It was a wonderful visit, and I'm so happy Molly got to spend so much time with her extended family. She was so happy all weekend, held by everyone!

Tuesday

Today was the usual Tuesday where poppa Bill stayed with Molly all day while I went to my seminar and did other work. I worked for a long time today on my dissertation. It is so close to being finished! I just have some fairly minor (but still requiring a bit of time) edits to do. Before and after my seminar, I was home working, and I just fed Molly when she got hungry.

Tomorrow Lola, Lopa, and Great Aunt Cathy will be here. We are really looking forward to the visit! I am not sure what all we will do, but I'm sure we will spend a lot of time playing with Molly Z. We might go to the How Berkeley Can You Be parade (you can google it). Bill and I have never been, but it always seems like it would be fun. I'm sure we will eat German food, too.

Molly is starting to get some muscles! You can hold her up, and she will keep her legs rigid on your lap, like she's standing. She also likes to look around at things. You can just tell her little brain is trying to absorb everything.

posting comments

I think some people have had trouble posting comments, but I have changed the setting so that now anyone should be able post if you want to.

Day at the Beach

Today was the last day Jason and Abby were here. We had a breakfast consisting of the rest of the smoked salmon, bagels, and eggs. After that, we went to Alameda to go to the beach. It was beautiful!! Bill had run there when he was training for the marathon, but I had never been. What a wonderful idea. Next summer we will definitely be spending some time there, when Molly is a little bigger and more likely to like the water. We walked along the beach for a while, and then we stopped at a very good Italian deli for sandwiches. Molly stayed, can you believe it, in the Moby for the whole time, and she was was very content. Her first trip to the beach and she couldn't care less.

Molly's hair is getting very red. It really is cute. She has also been sucking on her hands a lot. Her smiles are getting more frequent every day. She is such a joy! Bill and I are so lucky and happy.

Meeting Lots of People

Yesterday our friends Jason and Abby came up to see us and to meet Molly. They brought their dog, Chester, who promptly gave Molly Z a nice, big lick on her head upon meeting her. Last night we did not do a whole lot. Abby was nice enough to bring a wonderful dinner of homemade black bean soup, and she made quesadillas with smoked salmon (that they smoked themselves), cream cheese, and capers. It was delicious! Today we all went to the farmers market. Bill and Jason went shopping in SF, and Abby and I went to the Ferry Building in San Francisco, had lunch, and tried lots of samples. Friends of Bill's parents were in SF on vacation, and we met them this afternoon also so that they could see us and meet Molly Z. She has been asleep in the Moby pretty much all day, but when she came out to meet Rhonda and Steve she had lots of smiles to share. I have had to change Molly's clothes already three times today (spit up, spit up, pee), and I am about to do it again (more stinky spit up).

Another Good Night of Sleep

Here is a picture of Molly after a good night's sleep. She is smiling more, but they are still infrequent and pretty fleeting.

Molly had another wonderful night of sleep last night! We put her to bed around 10, but we stayed up until almost 11. Her last feeding had been around 9, and she woke up when we went to bed so I fed her at 11. She slept until 5:30 so we got 6 and a half hours of sleep! Yay!

Today we are going to a little get together for a woman I know who is having a baby in a few weeks. Later today, Jason and Abby will be here. We are looking forward to introducing Molly Z to more friends.